white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
