my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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