I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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