Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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