ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
