i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
