My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
