Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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