I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
