Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
