idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
