Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
