I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
