i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
