It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
