My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
