You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
