My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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