so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
