no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
