I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
