just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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