I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
