lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
