Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
