I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
