I smell stomach acid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
