Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
