I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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