i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
