i jhust puked up my retainher.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
