Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize