Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
