He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
