I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
