Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
