dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
