I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
