god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
