he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
