I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
