Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
