So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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