I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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