I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
