Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
