just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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