I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
