Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
