More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
