I'm drive I can fine osifer
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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