fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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