i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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