I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
