im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
