Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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