I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
