I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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