I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
