Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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