M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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