Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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