she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
