DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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