Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
