Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
