fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
