Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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