I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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