Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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