Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize