Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
