You can't special order awesome
i will never coherently bang her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
