Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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