There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
