in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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