oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
