How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
