One girl and one boy is just not enough.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
