There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he thought i was a dude.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
